thoughts: dreams and ambitions.

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Life never seems to go as planned. At least that's what I've found over this past year, especially even the last few weeks to be exact. Wants and desires change, ambitions waver and what you thought you once wanted now seems like more than enough to make you run away and never look back. When I was little I went through all the usual ideal career paths that a little girl could ever, and usually does claim to want to achieve. First it was most likely a Disney princess, particularly Belle. I was obsessed with the idea of having my own magical castle complete with my own multi-story library filled with endless amounts of books, singing tea cups and that dress. Oh how I used to beg and plead with my mum to splash out on that golden ruffled ball gown, that looking back now, may have just made me look like a little golden ball of nylon, lycra and itchy netting. It was the 90s, none of the dressing up outfits were perfect – all be it, I'd have hopefully still been a rather cute one.

Then came the ballerina phase, something that I believe I have to owe my Great-Grandmother slightly. Being a ballerina herself I guess somewhere down the line that passion was instilled within me despite the fact that at the time, I probably had no clue whatsoever that she had lived out the life of a prima ballerina herself. All I wanted was a big round and puffy tutu and a glittery tiara... And applause. So much much then. But hey, with practically zero coordination (I'm not even joking, I fall over walking across a flat surface) and a kinda short attention span (think Doug the dog from Up) I somehow managed to stick with it until I was, oh, around ten or eleven years old I think, I'm not exactly sure. Either way, to cut that long story short it all ended after a dramatic tumble down two flights of rock hard concrete stairs, ironically enough straight after coming off stage for my first ever 'proper', and I use the term here very loosely. It was more of a little showcase than anything. Anyway, I fell down two flights of steps backstage and promptly put my hips out. Bye bye ballet dreams.  At least for the time being.

Moving onward and upwards, after the whole 'ballet incident' my latest passion quickly made itself know to be a flair for acting... At least I hope it was a flair and that I haven't made myself look like a right plum for the past ten-plus years or so! Starting with little parts in the traditional school plays and nativities – although for whatever reason my primary school chose to put on a production of Puss in Boots instead of the usual Christmas show in my third and last year... I was 'Ladybird #1' – I decided then and there that what I really really wanted to do was act. So, off I trotted through my school years, putting myself up for every play or musical they had going, never really having the lead, but I didn't mind, just as long as I was involved I would tell myself.

Moving on into college, naturally a Performing Arts course, what else would it have been? I carried on studying drama, making a few lifelong friends along the way and at the end of my third year I just stopped. I didn't carry on into the Uni course with my friends. I wasn't well enough, but that's another story. I ventured out into the big wide world and eventually after a very bumpy and somewhat traumatic start, I found a job. In a Preschool none the less after never really seeing that as something I wanted to do, hell I even kicked up a fuss when my year nine options rolled around and I was told that I couldn't do Drama because they'd enrolled me upon a 'special course' that revolved around childcare. After telling them exactly where they could go, in the nicest way possible I got my way and studied GCSE Drama. But I've already covered that so I won't repeat myself.

I thoroughly enjoyed working at Preschool and they were all so sweet and adorable. No really, they were. And there's me saying a few years ago that I wouldn't like that sort of job, but people change and I certainly proved myself utterly wrong. Plus I always managed to be put in charge of the cake and biscuit baking, which when left to tidy and wash up I ending up getting to eat all the leftover mixture. On a small side note, let me tell you, children are a lot smarter than they're given credit for, it's just the sometimes, sadly not many people are willing to listen. In some ways I'd love to go back to Preschool and have considered pressuring more of a career in that field, but still, I think I've finally found my one true passion. And that's writing. Coming from the girl who couldn't read until I was five or six, that's something I once didn't think I'd say. But out of everything this past year at Uni, the one thing that I've enjoyed most of all was, and is, the essay writing. Once I've gotten stuck into it that is, that's the tricky part, once I get into the flow of things I can easily write for days on end... As I'm sure you can tell from the length of this post. If you're still with me at this point then Hi, thanks for making it this far and I hope I haven't gone off on a complete tangent too much. I've also just realised this is five paragraphs long at this point, wowzers! Fingers crossed we all make it to the end in one piece. We'll defiantly have to pop the kettle on after.

To quote Rapunzel from Tangled, because yes, I am that person who loves to quote Disney films, "I've found my new dream," and you know what? This one finally feels right. At this moment in time, in an ideal world I'd be blissfully happy with a little job in a bookshop, writing up short stories of my own little character who lives out a rather fabulously magical life inside my head – shout out to my wonderful bestie if you're reading this and know what I'm babbling about – or just more 'bloggy' type blog posts on the sly with a cup of tea in hand in between restocking bookshelves and then posting them all on here during the evening. Or to dream even bigger, being a professional full time blogger, but in reality the chances of that happening are pretty much slim to none. But you never know just what the future holds.

I'm not even sure how to end this post properly, or if I've even made sense. Most likely I haven't. But I think the point I was trying to get across in among the jumbled up musings of my brain was that dreams come in all different shapes and sizes and they're always changing. Never be afraid to wander off the familiar path because your new dream could be waiting for you just around the corner. All you have to do is chase it.

- Thanks for reading, love Jade xo

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Thank you for reading my blog, I really appreciate it. I love reading all your comments and feel free to tweet me @pintsizepixie xo